Mr.Bean: I got married because I was tired of cooking, clean ing home and washing clothes.
Friend: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Haunted Old Man
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
SMS Jokes
Two men r talking.
1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!
1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!
True Friends
True friends stand behind u during ur bad times. Do u want a proof? Check out your marriage album. U'll find that all ur friends standing behind U
Options to die
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!
Marriade for a women
Meaning of Marriage for a woman: Sacrificing admiration of many men for the criticism of one man!
Long Life
Man: Is there any way 4 long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of a long life will never come to u again!
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of a long life will never come to u again!
Husband goin out...
Husband:I'm goin out for five days.
Wife:Ok,but don't surprise me by coming back early,Otherwise you will be surprised.
Wife:Ok,but don't surprise me by coming back early,Otherwise you will be surprised.
Three women were talking about their love lives.
Three women were talking about their love lives.
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast and powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast and powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."
No deposit, no return.
Recently I was so embarrassed at my wedding, at the
rehearsal, the minister told my father, 'As you give
your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say
something nice to him.'
My father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed my hand on my new
husband's arm and said, 'No deposit, no return.'
rehearsal, the minister told my father, 'As you give
your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say
something nice to him.'
My father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed my hand on my new
husband's arm and said, 'No deposit, no return.'
Headache
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
Husband's Revenge
Husband before entering the operation theatre:
If I die,you marry the doctor.
Wife:
Why are you saying like that?
Husband:
That's the only way to take revenge on the doctor.
Marriage-01[One Liners]
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
Marriage Certificate
The wife saw her husband frustrated reading the Marriage Certificate from top to bottom, flip it over, and then read it again...
She asked:" Honey, what are you looking for?"
He answered:" Nothing dear, I’m just looking for the expiration date for this paper..."
She asked:" Honey, what are you looking for?"
He answered:" Nothing dear, I’m just looking for the expiration date for this paper..."
Message on her Birthday Cake
Banta Singh wishes to observe his wife’s birthday by holding a party. So he goes to arrange a birthday cake.
The salesman inquires him what message he prefers to* use on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and tells: Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman demands, “How do you wish me to set it up ? ”
Sardar says, well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.
The true fun didn’t kickoff until the cake was opened the entire party viewed the message decorated on the cake:
“You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bott
The salesman inquires him what message he prefers to* use on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and tells: Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman demands, “How do you wish me to set it up ? ”
Sardar says, well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.
The true fun didn’t kickoff until the cake was opened the entire party viewed the message decorated on the cake:
“You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bott
Why can't you be like that?
Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can't you do that?"
"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl."
Now, why can't you do that?"
"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl."
Happy Marriage
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
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